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Even experienced daters with charm and charisma to spare can botch a potentially great date with a terrible location. If you think it makes no difference, think again. The surrounding location can make any good date better, or worse.

And it’s not just first dates; even if you’ve been together for years and know each other inside and out, it’s a piece of cake to botch important events like birthdays and anniversaries. Here’s a little cheat sheet, from tons of experience and common sense, to help you out:

Date Number One

Especially if you met through internet dating (thus, have no personal experience together), skip the dinner thing. It’s too long. Too much pressure. Instead, I always say opt for a movie, concert or comedy thing and then coffee or dessert.

By placing more importance, at least initially, on the activity rather than the one on one time you’ll create an instant shared experience to talk about. I’d rather have a first date that involves actually doing something before I try to get into someone’s brain to see what makes them tick.

Moreover, by structuring your date this way, it leaves the rest of the afternoon or evening open for suggestions. If you really enjoyed yourselves skating then coffee and dessert might be just the thing. If your after movie cup of coffee goes well, perhaps she’ll take you up on your suggestion for going to that great bar you know.

His/Her Birthday

Birthdays are awesome for relationships. It’s like a built-in chance to prove your astounding awesomeness to the person you’re dating. The key is, you are your sweetie’s person. That’s a responsibility on a birthday. But, unlike anniversaries, you can’t exactly expect to be able to hog your honey all night. He or she has friends and they should be included as well. But you also want to do something romantic.

Here’s a perfect mix of romance and friends; check the local entertainment listings for a band that your sweetheart is really into that will be playing around their birthday. If you don’t have any luck with a band, try something like a play, a comedy performance or something else that’s special and doesn’t happen every day. Get really, REALLY good tickets.

The day of your sweetie’s birthday, treat them to a nice dinner (hey, you have to eat!), and then surprise them with the tickets. After the concert when he or she thinks you’re just the greatest thing ever, you can surprise them with an after-party with all their friends! It takes a little bit of planning, is not nearly as complicated as it seems and is guaranteed to be a winner

This post was written by the staff of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read thousands of helpful dating posts. Visit the Uber Article Directory to get a totally unique version of this article for reprint.

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Once you get past the carefree salad days of a relationship, things have a way of getting slightly more, um, real. Real problems, days when you look really unattractive, real neuroses and dangerous habits.

I’m not talking about drinking and driving. I mean the unsafe brain quirks and thought patterns that slowly chip away at an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship. I know, you’re thinking, “OMG, yes, my boyfriend/girlfriend totally has issues like that and I’m, like, this close to dumping his/her sorry butt!”

But what if (brace yourself) the problem is truly in your head? Read on for two common symptoms to watch for that the issues in your relationship are coming from your end:

Sign #1 – You keep score

You should’ve chosen a career as a scorekeeper because you keep track of everything you and your partner do in terms of time and energy to the relationship and each other and when it gets done. Everything from who cleans up to visits to family and friends, it all gets tallied.

Every relationship is going to experience some imbalances from time to time. But making mental notes about who does what and when and using those notes to stoke your anger and resentment means that the problem is you and your attitude.

Your relationship won’t stand a chance if you approach it with this kind of pencil toting, critical outlook, looking for reasons to feel indignant. It’s no wonder you’re always angry and that your partner feels perpetually judged.

Sign #2 – You make assumptions

We all know one part of a couple that thinks he or she knows their partner better than the partner knows themselves! They think they can read the subtext of every text message, interpret every facial expression and predict their partner’s every move, every wish and every desire without ever having to ask.

People hate to have aspects of their personality cast in stone. If the person you are dating believes you no longer listen to them because you think you already know everything there is to know, the annoyance and frustration they feel, and the misunderstandings it will cause will inevitably lead the relationship to break down.

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Yes, I’m really suggesting that you steal the following from your boyfriend. Okay, not permanently so maybe “borrow” would be a better word to use. I know my boyfriend thinks I’m all cute and sexy and I wear his favorite button down shirt but I’ll also be the first one to admit that he get exasperated when I refuse to return his favorite band t-shirt come concert time.

Shrug. They’ll get over it. The truth is, even if they pretend to be put out by your thieving ways, they actually love that you’re so into them that you want to literally wear it on your sleeve.

If you’re going to treat yourself to some of your boyfriend’s stuff, you need to choose wisely. Here are my four favorites;

1) A button-down work shirt

Yes, I know this one is obvious, but it’s my personal favorite. I think my boyfriend has button downs that I wear more often than he does, for three reasons;

The first is that seeing you wear it will make him think you’re all sultry and movie star like as you sip morning coffee. Second, they’re incredibly comfortable, and third they smell like your guy, even after a trip to the dry cleaner.

2) A very worn in sweatshirt

What can I say? This is one of the central perks of putting up with all of his annoying man-habits. Every guy has that one amazing sweatshirt from college that he’s worn too many times to count. It’s huge, soft and is by far the best thing to throw on in the chilly morning hours. One word of advice: just try to pretend that no other girlfriend before you ever, ever wore it.

3) Old-man cardigan

Don’t question why this piece of his clothing works with leggings or jeans and a pair of mary janes, just accept it. Yes, they’re a bit oversized for us, so maybe that’s why. Regardless, they come in all kinds of wonderful colors and are great for a quick, comfy warm up.

4) His favorite Band T-Shirt

Here’s the secret: always pick the one that fits you just perfectly and is really, really old and soft. It does not matter what the band is. Either it’s a great band and then you’re wearing a great band’s shirt that happens to look amazingly hot on you or it’s a terrible band and you’re wearing a terrible band’s shirt, that still looks amazingly hot on you. Everyone will assume you’re being ironic anyhow. Hint: you may have to be sneaky to get this one away from him. Dudes get attached to their band shirts.

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This is not your typical fairy tale. Once upon a time you struck up a conversation with a total stranger on an internet dating site. You went out a few times, think each other is wonderful and then, seemingly without warning, he or she is parking their toothbrush in your bathroom and expressing worry because you didn’t call last night.

Say what? This is decidedly not fairy tale material. What is IS is a real life scenario. So what can you do when the person you’re seeing is moving too quickly for comfort. How do you slow a relationship down without ending it?

1. Don’t delay it, just say it

I admit, this one is rather obvious. Just come right out with it. Unfortunately, it seems that most people I know would rather have root canal without the benefit of anesthetic than confront this problem, or any other, head on.

There is the possibility that your new sweetie isn’t moving crazy fast; they’re just so into you and excited about the whole thing that they were swept up in the moment and got carried away A quick talk, in a non accusatory way, should jolt them back to reality and the recognition that the two of you are not on the same page.

2. Be only as available as you are

As much as they might feel boxed in, some people will just keep up with the pace being set by the other person. They want to be nice and avoid rocking the boat.

Other times, someone will dig the person they’re dating so much that they can temporarily ignore that the actual relationship isn’t fitting their lifestyle or comfort boundaries at all.

So if you want to slow things down to your comfort level, you need to make yourself unavailable at times. If you have to be at work early tomorrow morning, then make it clear you won’t be spending any time together tonight.

If your new significant other tries to invite him or herself out on nights with friends, tell him or her that eventually, that will be cool but for right now, you want to let things incubate in private between you two for a while.

When they ask about that shelf in your closet or the key to your front door, and you’re not ready for that, try to think of a smaller step that you are okay with. Unless you have the gift of the gab, a flat out no to these relationship yardsticks can be misinterpreted by your sweetie that you have no intention of ever going there. Offering up an alternative will leave you both happy. If not, see step 1.

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1. Being tethered to your cell phone

We absolutely hate it when you even so much as look at your phone when you’re out on a date with us. It’s just poor manners. If you go so far as to actually answer your phone, or return a text message there won’t be a second date; guaranteed.

2. Not enough eye contact

Now, I’m not saying you’re a psycho killer if you can’t look your date in the eye; maybe you’re just really insecure. Neither attribute is attractive. If we can’t get in some good eye to eye time, then how are we ever supposed to a) establish any sort of initial connection, or b) give you the sexy eyes.

These are two very key date ingredients. If you are constantly averting your face, causing us to miss out of these things, it’s going to be very difficult for us to be into you.

3. Drunky McGrabby-Hands

I don’t hate booze, far from it. There’s only been one first date that I didn’t drink and that was with a recovering alcoholic. I’ve found most people I know agree with me.

Unfortunately those who don’t know their limits and cross into the danger zone on a first date are all too common. Getting falling down drunk and trying to grope is not okay. Having a drink to calm your nerves and bring out your wit and charm is. Got it?

4. Turning the date into a job interview

Even if we want the position of “girlfriend”, we definitely don’t want to feel like we’re interviewing for it. Even less than that do we want a guy who approaches his love life with the same professional list-making and tactical point-keeping of his career.

So don’t start spouting off likes and dislikes in women, or telling us exactly what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Just let things unfold naturally and if it fits, it fits. We hate having to feel like we’re defending our right to be out with you. It makes us not want to go out with you again.

5. You like ustoo much

When we ladies are at home, putting our pretty on to go out with someone for the first time, yeah, we’re pretty excited. And hopeful. And anxious. One of the biggest concerns going through our minds is, “what if he doesn’t like me?” Yes, not being dug on a date is pretty much a huge downer. But what’s even worse? When the dude is convinced he knows you perfectly after 5 minutes, is in love with you after 10, and by the end of the night is making “jokes” about running away to Vegas and making stuff legal.

Wow! Let’s take it down a notch. I said I’d go out with you again; I didn’t say anything about changing my last name to yours. We’re not all in a race to get to the altar. By coming on this strong right out of the gate, you’re more likely to freak us out than anything else.

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No matter if you’re a man or a woman, when you fall in love and enter into a relationship with a significant other your life changes. Sometimes these changes are rather obvious. Sharing your living space, double the groceries and actually paying attention to the position of the toilet seat are just a few examples.

Some of the changes will be less obvious especially for men. You’ll be surprised at some of the things that men do for love. Keep reading to see if you recognize yourself;

TV Shows

Guys, if you can spell out in detail the differences between empire waistlines and dropped waistlines and now how to “smile with your eyes” then chances are you’ve been roped into watching too many episodes of your gal pal’s favorite show; “America’s Next Top Model”. Hopefully you’ve been bored stiff. If you find yourself scanning the fall premier schedule for the show’s return, then unfortunately you’re hooked.

Spend, Spend, Spend

Here’s something a lot of guys do. Rather than develop a way with words, they spend, spend, spend their way into their gal pal’s hearts. They think nothing of dropping a big wad of cash on jewelry, perfume and more. And all because they’re not too good at words (or just think they’re not).

Yoga Anyone?

Just like women are under the impression that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, men think that feigning interest in a woman’s hobbies will get them major brownie points. Which is why, when you heard she loves her yoga class, you signed yourself up for a session. Which is also why you find yourself, on a Tuesday night, trying to bend your body in ways it was never meant to go. All the while wondering if you’ve set the PVR for tonight’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model”.

Of course I’ll drive you there.

Yes, you’ve always wanted to be a chauffeur. And so it shall be. It’ll start innocuously enough when you offer her a ride to your place for dinner. Before you know it you’re the driver for the early Saturday morning garage sale jaunts. And not long after that you’re driving her to her out of town to her mother’s place because you can’t bear to be apart from her for more than a day.

Getting into fights

Ah yes, the chest thumping; a leftover courtesy of the caveman. While men have thankfully left the whole dragging her off by the hair thing behind them, chest thumping appears to remain popular. Case in point. You’re at the movies. In front of you is a bunch of loud, foul mouthed teenagers. Rather than asking management to deal with it, you deal with it yourself. And they deal with you after the movie is finished. Get my point?

Changing cities

This is a difficult one for both men and women. You finally meet someone you think you could have a future with. Then you’re told she’s moving to the next state at the end of the month. You have three choices; a long distance relationship, cut your losses now or start packing because you’re moving too. Tough choices my friends!

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Why is it that married and attached people make it a mission in life to give unsolicited “how to catch a partner” advice to their single female friends? It’s annoying and usually not helpful at all, even though they mean well.

The truth? If you really want to give your un-coupled pal a leg up, then set her up with someone! Or rather than that, just continue being an awesome friend. Because that’s the most important thing any single person needs.

In order to keep on being an awesome friend, keep the following off putting suggestions to yourself;

1. “Stop being so picky!”

Well pardon me for looking out for myself! Let’s get real here; everyone can be picky. Granted, dumping a guy for having weird hair might have been a bit much, but all I hear when you tell me stop being so picky is “you should just settle because you’ll never find everything you want.”

Replace the criticism with specific occasions that you feel your friend was simply too choosy and follow that up with the suggestion that a little forgiveness of someone’s flaws goes a long way towards smoothing a relationship.

2. “Mellow out a bit”

What is your friend really hearing when you tell her she needs to relax? She will almost always take it to mean that as a woman with a strong personality she is too intimidating for find a guy. Further, she’ll hear that she has to choose between having a happy relationship and being an assertive, successful individual.

What she really wants it what most women want; someone to love and respect her, strengths and all. So instead of telling her to relax, point out that there is a fine line between being independent and being overly intimidating

3. “It’s time to move on!”

A period of sadness filled with loneliness and regret usually accompany your friend’s latest breakup. She know it doesn’t make her very much fun to be around, but as her friend it’s your responsibility to be patient and understanding.

What she doesn’t need is for you to pounce on her first post breakup signs with this little gem “suck it up and move on”. She knows she has to, but she doesn’t need reminding. Everyone heals at their own pace. Your job is not to rush them through it, but to be there for her every step of the way.

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Men like to believe that only women suffer from neurotic, insecure and irrational relationship behavior. But it’s just not true. Just because you label yourself as “super cool” (which really means you don’t do your laundry often enough and you leave the toilet seat up), that doesn’t mean you’re not making your share of love bloopers.

As your date, girlfriend or opposite sex friend, we’ve watched you wade your way through all of them. So for the benefit of all men out there this is what you’re doing wrong. So stop it;

1. Electronic distractions while having a serious conversation

Same goes for playing online poker (or anything else online), video games, texting; pretty much anything that diverts your attention from the conversation you’re having. It’s rude, it’s obnoxious and it makes us feel worthless, so cut it out. Simply giving your lady friend your undivided attention is going to get you pretty far.

2. Lying about your relationship status to yourself and others

If you know the type of relationship you want, that’s great; just make sure the rest of us know too. If being in a monogamous relationship isn’t your thing, then once again, you need to fill us in. Granted, women frequently use the “boyfriend” word too soon, but just as often, men avoid it like the plague.

If you’re spending lots of time with one chick, have had sleepovers, she’s met your buddies and maybe you’ve met hers and you aren’t currently doing these things with other people; you have a girlfriend. Sorry. If you don’t like it, change it.

3. Questioning our love of flowers

Is futile. We love them and even more important we love that you bought them for us. It may seem illogical to spend money on something that won’t make it to next week, but neither does chocolate. Besides, there’s just no point in applying logic and reason to life’s emotional pleasure.

You should be less concerned with figuring out the why, and focus more on the how. How does it make her feel? Terrific! How does it make you look? Awesome! Are you getting the picture?

4. The Double Standard

I’ve got to say, men are worse about this than women. I’m not one for making gross over-generalizations, but this is truth. You don’t want your girl so much as looking at another dude when you’re out but if she shows the slightest sign of jealousy over your all out flirt-fest with a hot bartenders, you rant about how it didn’t mean anything and you still need to be allowed to have a conversation and blah blah blah. We know. We get it. But if you want, you’ve got to give. That’s all we’re saying.

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There are some women who, I’ve recently observed, will do anything for their dude. Laundry, foot massages, taking messages, picking up wedding presents for his friends; hey sister, are you his girlfriend or his secretary?

Of course in order for a couple to function efficiently, you should play to each other’s strengths and weaknesses. For instance, my boyfriend is terrible at remembering birthdays while I keep a meticulous calendar. That’s doesn’t make me his doormat, it just makes us a smart couple. I remind him about upcoming birthdays he needs to remember and he goes shopping.

So that got me mulling over the fine line between actually being a doormat (or making him yours) and being an awesome and supportive girlfriend. To wit, here two key areas where you need to exercise care;

Do: Take his side Don’t: Fight his battles for him

Here’s the scenario; you’re at one of his family functions. His mom, who loathes his career, starts on her usual rant about how it’s a total waste of time and will ultimately lead to failure and misery. This is one time that you need to have your dude’s back, even if you secretly agree with her.

It’s all about remembering that you’re a team. Especially in a situation like this. You can share your own opinion all you like, later, but while he’s facing major opposition you need to be a united front.

Having said that, don’t fight his battles for him. Resist the urge to jump in there like you’re his representative or something. While you might think you’re doing him a favor, in reality you’re going from supportive to emasculating.

Do: Give him trust Don’t: Be a fool

It’s easier to be the jealous girl than it is to be the trusting girl. That’s my feeling. Being jealous means getting to have a nice, heaping daily indulgence in our insecurities; but at what cost? Always trying to catch your man sneaking around doing goodness knows what with goodness only knows who is not only a super awesome way to drive yourself crazy, it’s also almost guaranteed to be the downfall of your relationship.

All that time you spent sneaking, snooping and plain worrying you certainly weren’t enjoying your relationship nor were you doing anything constructive to enhance it. Unless the guy is a total jerk, chances are your suspicions are going to be well left of the mark.

You’ll be far better of focusing on making the time you spend together stimulating and amazing. Give him reasons to stay, not stray. And when he’s out of your sight, assume that he’s innocent until proven guilty. If you stay relaxed and positive you’ll be able to spot his lies a mile away. Then you can break out the Sherlock Holmes hat. Until that time comes, be brave, be trusting.

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I like to consider myself a fairly independent person. Do I want my manfriend to make me soup when I’m gross-flu-death girl? Definitely. Do I want him to pay my rent for me? Certainly not.

That said, I’ve also found myself in a relationship where we ended up having joint finances before we even sat down to think about it. He had lost his job and it just seemed like the loving and logical thing to help him out until he found something else. Other times couples go through the “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” so often that the balance sheet becomes a bit blurry. And before you know it you’re sharing a bank account.

That’s not always a bad thing; if you’re one of those blessedly blissful couples who are so communally minded that you never have to deal with issues like entitlement, mistrust or codependence. But most of us are human. If you want your relationship to survive your financial issues, it’s important to follow rules of financial harmony.

Take stock of your spending

There are lots of ways to spend your money, and we often do so without really understanding where the money goes. Start by having each of you make a list. Do this separately. Include all your regular expenses like rent or mortgage payments, heat, hydro, your car, and insurance premiums.

You should also include what you think you spend every month on shopping and going out. If there are large ticket items that you want to buy, like a new mountain bike, or season’s tickets for baseball, include them too.

Make it a routine conversation

Because talking about money can be incredibly stressful a lot of couples simply avoid talking about it altogether. This is akin to burying your head in the sand; the more you avoid the subject, the more of a sore point it will become. So both of you; get over it.

Frequent conversations about money will put the subject in the realm of a common topic instead of something you dread to bring up. And common topics of conversation are rarely filled with worry and pressure.

Go over lists together

When you’ve made the decision to set up housekeeping together you need to go over the list of expenses you each made. Decide which ones are joint expenses (that would be things like rent and utilities) and which ones are individual, or personal, expenses (shoes and clothing). It’s more difficult than it sounds and some of the expenses on each of your lists will bear discussing. Is his beer club membership a shared expense, or a personal one?

Make a fresh start

With a new joint bank account. This is the place from which you’ll pay the expenses you decided were group-oriented, and where you can save up for things you both want, like that trip to Peru. Even in the most financially interwoven relationships, each person should absolutely keep his or her own bank account, whether for shopping, buying your sweetie presents, donating to charities that he doesn’t give a darn about, or hitting the road if things don’t work out.

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